Have you ever wondered if what you saw in the mirror was all there was of you ? Have you ever tried to go further than who you thought you were ? Have you ever realized that you didn't know yourself at all ? That you were so much more than what you thought ? I have. I've been running all my life, my mind always a few miles ahead of me but a few months ago, God knows why, i just stopped running and tried to see what i was running from. And to be honest, what i saw, what i still see now, is absolutely terrifying. There's someone i don't know living inside of the girl i used to know. There's something beyond the shy and soft girl, something so dark and real that i now know why my instinct told me to run. Have you ever lost yourself in your own mind, trying to find a way out, knowing there's none ? I have. I'm not back yet, and i don't think i'll ever really be. I think maybe the reason for me to be on this earth is to try and figure out a way to understand and live with myself. So i try, every single day i try to understand, i try to draw a map of my own mind, of the labyrinth i created inside of my head. You know the map Barrie drew of a child's dreams ? It's the same but with very different shades. No mermaids, no fairies, no flying kids, not even a spooky pirate. It's a dark blue land with very bright stars coming and going every now and then, it's a rollercoaster that never stops. It's day and night, it's high and down, wet and dry, dark and bright, slow and fast, it's a million things and nothing at the same time. It's being painfully aware of what's not there or completely unaware of what's outside. It's popping pills knowing they can't help if nobody puts a name on the disease. It's wondering what the disease is, and getting mad at people who doubt there is even one. I've been told it could be being bipolar. Pretty name but what does it change in the end ? Because it's also knowing that i can't let go of it, i don't want to change my mind, i want to learn how to live with it. And there's no pill for that.